well friends, it's been 4 days short of a month since we ran 13.1 through the streets of downtown nashville. i'd like to have a good excuse for why it's taken me this long to post but i can't think of one. however, i have thought about how inconsistent i feel that i am.
in the beginning, han and i talked about how we both had never finished something huge. how we had never reached a huge goal that entailed us leaping out of our comfort zone and sacrificing ourselves. i feel like my lack of consistency plays into this. well, at least for blogging. but, i don't want to focus on that as much as reflect on how our consistency in running and training for the marathon led us to the finish line. how we made it. we ran 13.1. we met libby and became real friends with her. we did it. but the story is just beginning...
for about 3 months, we ran. we ran up and down hills through raleigh, NC and prayed for our legs to continue to move. fast forward to april 30th in nashville. we had done the work. our bodies were prepared. but woah, how my heart was anywhere but ready.
when we got started late, i think it threw me off a little. but honestly, that 13.1 was my hardest run. ever. i could say that it was the hardest because it was the longest distance but then i would be lying. it was the hardest because on that morning i was the least focused i had ever been. i hate that. i hate that when we got to the race i wasn't focused. i wasn't focused on Jesus. i was focused on the site seeing, and the people, and the pain. everytime i prayed during the race it was for Jesus to take the pain away and make it easy. he didn't. ha, and i'm actually glad he didn't. i'm glad that i got to feel the weight of my own helplessness. the weight of the pain, this time physical, of what it's like to try and do it on my own. i am so helpless and lost without a savior. father, thank you for your grace. i got caught up in myself. but after almost a month of reflection i have come to this conclusion: we had already run the race. for those 3 months of training, everytime han and i would fall at the feet of the Jesus and pray for endurance and focus and strength and libby and open up our hearts to be healed before we ran, we were racing. running to the finish line that is described in Hebrews 12.
it's summer now. school is out and i'm home in wilmington. han, laney, libby, and i are all scattered but i'm thankful that this experience has brought us together. (and we will see each other when we vacay to chesapeake...)
"for the joy set before us", we continue to run. together, in freedom.
Julia
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
nashville. [almost a month late]
well it has been over a month since we have blogged and almost a month since we ran our half marathon. we created this whole blog about running the half marathon and then we didn't even post about it. i could tell you that exams, babysitting, and young life kept life crazy or that i dont even know how to describe everything that weekend but basically we are just sucky bloggers. [i think i can say that without hurting julias feelings] so here is the long awaited post about nashville!!
a blog post is never going to do that weekend justice. im only twenty years old but i can say that it was the best weekend of my life so far. we arrived in nashville friday around lunch and ate at a pretty well known cafe called fido. i got my brie fixin and it was delicious. then we walked around a little bit and left to go [attempt to] check into our hotel. which didnt work out, so we packed all of our stuff back in the car and drove to the race expo to meet libby and the rest of our team! julia called angie [the leader of team libby] and angie told us where they were and gave us a key piece of information: "look for the baby stroller." julia hung up and we all screamed- "ava's going to be in that baby stroller!!!" and the tears came, we were about to meet libby and ava! in real life.
and we did. and it was so special. and normal. you would think that there would be some awkwardness after meeting someone that you've basically been obsessed with over the past 8 months, at least some awkwardness for libby and i cant speak for her but im pretty sure there wasn't.
after the expo, all of team libby went out to dinner. i think that there was over 30 of us and us three girls got to sit at the end of the table with ava and libby. we were so excited! we got to talk a little bit at dinner with lib, we were asking questions back and forth but it was almost impossible to talk about everything that we wanted to during dinner. [especially with ava choking and dry heaving on pizza dough that the waitress gave her, who gives a roll of pizza dough to a 2 year old to play with?] anyways...so towards the end of dinner, i remember lib saying to us something along the lines of...i want to be able to really talk to you guys and get to know you girls so lets make sure that we find time to do that this weekend. in fact, me and ava dont have anyone staying with us tomorrow night, wanna stay with us? um yes please! i remember thinking, even if we have to pay more money to get out of our hotel, we are going to have a sleepover with libby ryder.
after dinner, we all left to get sleep. we were finally able to check into our hotel [and cancel saturday night for free :) ] we laid out all of our race gear for the morning and went to bed!! our alarm clock went off at 5 and we were out of the hotel by 530. you would think an hour and a half would be plenty of time to drive 10 miles to the race but it wasn't. and we were late. so we didnt get to run with all of team libby but thats okay.
13.1 miles. its all a blur. probably because its almost been a month but also i remember not even really being able to tell my mom about it the hour after. i regret that its a blur. my mind was everywhere and not focused. at times it was focused on jesus, but most of the time it was on what was hurting, or where the next water station was, or i dont even know. me and julia both experienced this and i think that she will be able to explain it better.
besides that, it was such an incredible experience. me julia and laney ran together for the first 4 or 5 miles and then laney ran ahead of us [shes a little bit more speedy ] laney- i am so glad that we were able to experience nashville and the race with you. i am so sad that you have now graduated when i feel like our friendship has just started. that only means lots of visits from me and julia at app next year. and lots of hanging out this summer, especially in chesapeake:)
me and julia stuck together the entire race and for me that was what was so special. from day 1, we had trained together. she had pushed me, prayed for me, and encouraged me. through training together, our friendship had grown into something that i had never imagined. there was no one else that i wanted running next to me on april 30th. oh the excitement i felt when we saw 12...and then 13. at 12.5ish she grabbed my hand and we finished together. when we saw 13, we cried really hard. i had to stop crying because i had a little difficulty with breathing and crying at the same time. and then the sweet bliss of crossing that finish line. i can't describe it. everything that finish line symbolized and meant to me- the triumph of the cross, throwing off my past, sweet freedom in jesus, and the finish line of libby's cancer, just running 13.1 miles without stopping!! everything over the past 4 months had come down to crossing that finish line and we did it.
after a while of searching, we found some of our teammates and libby. we hugged and celebrated. 13.1 miles was done! we couldn't believe it. after cold showers, checking out of our hotel, long naps, ibuprofen, and a carb filled dinner, we all went to get tattoos! [well just me and julia got them but everyone else came for moral support, including lib] a couple of weeks before the race, i texted julia and said i kind of want to get a tattoo that has to do with the race. she was pretty on board about it and so we said if we thought of something to get then we would! we thought about it and decided on our way to nashville that we would get "set free" we decided that those words explained much of the reason that we ran the race. to celebrate our freedom and jesus setting us free.
"so if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed!" -john 8:36
free from sin. free from my past. free from death. free from guilt. free from cancer. free.
[mine is on my foot, i figured it was an appropriate place, and julia's is on her wrist]
after tattoos, me laney and julia went back to where lib was staying and just talked. this was my favorite part of the weekend. we got to ask more questions about cancer and hear her talk about things that she hadn't really talked about on her blog. looking back, i remember just being in awe listening to libby talk, in the same raw and real way that she typed on her blog. but this time it was in person and i loved it even more [who wouldn't?] we talked about how some people you just click with automatically and know that you are going to always be friends and we decided that was the case for us. the next morning, lib took us out to breakfast and we got to share more about our lives. and then we said our "see ya laters", not goodbyes.
close to 12 hours later after cowboy boot shopping downtown, gas stations, fro yo in a random town, and no traffic except in raleigh, we arrived home. it was such a special weekend.
thanks to everyone who read, who walked alongside us, who prayed, and who encouraged us. i hope that we will continue blogging even if its just about life. but thanks for taking this journey with us!
lib- sorry that it has taken so long for us to write but thanks for pushing us to write. nashville was so much more than it was cracked up to be and i dont know how to thank you enough for everything from that weekend. for your love, for caring about our lives, for wanting to spend time with us, for getting tattoos with us!, for being intentional, and for so much more. i remember being on the phone with my mom on friday night after dinner and saying, "mom, its crazy because she really wants to hang out with us!" saturday night and sunday morning, just us girls talking about real life,i will never forget. i couldn't have planned a better weekend. i am so thankful for your story, your blog, the person that you are in jesus and how all of those things changed me and changed the person that i am in jesus. i am so thankful for our friendship, that is now tangible and not just a cyber friendship:) cant wait for this summer at the river house! love you!
-han
a blog post is never going to do that weekend justice. im only twenty years old but i can say that it was the best weekend of my life so far. we arrived in nashville friday around lunch and ate at a pretty well known cafe called fido. i got my brie fixin and it was delicious. then we walked around a little bit and left to go [attempt to] check into our hotel. which didnt work out, so we packed all of our stuff back in the car and drove to the race expo to meet libby and the rest of our team! julia called angie [the leader of team libby] and angie told us where they were and gave us a key piece of information: "look for the baby stroller." julia hung up and we all screamed- "ava's going to be in that baby stroller!!!" and the tears came, we were about to meet libby and ava! in real life.
and we did. and it was so special. and normal. you would think that there would be some awkwardness after meeting someone that you've basically been obsessed with over the past 8 months, at least some awkwardness for libby and i cant speak for her but im pretty sure there wasn't.
after the expo, all of team libby went out to dinner. i think that there was over 30 of us and us three girls got to sit at the end of the table with ava and libby. we were so excited! we got to talk a little bit at dinner with lib, we were asking questions back and forth but it was almost impossible to talk about everything that we wanted to during dinner. [especially with ava choking and dry heaving on pizza dough that the waitress gave her, who gives a roll of pizza dough to a 2 year old to play with?] anyways...so towards the end of dinner, i remember lib saying to us something along the lines of...i want to be able to really talk to you guys and get to know you girls so lets make sure that we find time to do that this weekend. in fact, me and ava dont have anyone staying with us tomorrow night, wanna stay with us? um yes please! i remember thinking, even if we have to pay more money to get out of our hotel, we are going to have a sleepover with libby ryder.
after dinner, we all left to get sleep. we were finally able to check into our hotel [and cancel saturday night for free :) ] we laid out all of our race gear for the morning and went to bed!! our alarm clock went off at 5 and we were out of the hotel by 530. you would think an hour and a half would be plenty of time to drive 10 miles to the race but it wasn't. and we were late. so we didnt get to run with all of team libby but thats okay.
13.1 miles. its all a blur. probably because its almost been a month but also i remember not even really being able to tell my mom about it the hour after. i regret that its a blur. my mind was everywhere and not focused. at times it was focused on jesus, but most of the time it was on what was hurting, or where the next water station was, or i dont even know. me and julia both experienced this and i think that she will be able to explain it better.
besides that, it was such an incredible experience. me julia and laney ran together for the first 4 or 5 miles and then laney ran ahead of us [shes a little bit more speedy ] laney- i am so glad that we were able to experience nashville and the race with you. i am so sad that you have now graduated when i feel like our friendship has just started. that only means lots of visits from me and julia at app next year. and lots of hanging out this summer, especially in chesapeake:)
me and julia stuck together the entire race and for me that was what was so special. from day 1, we had trained together. she had pushed me, prayed for me, and encouraged me. through training together, our friendship had grown into something that i had never imagined. there was no one else that i wanted running next to me on april 30th. oh the excitement i felt when we saw 12...and then 13. at 12.5ish she grabbed my hand and we finished together. when we saw 13, we cried really hard. i had to stop crying because i had a little difficulty with breathing and crying at the same time. and then the sweet bliss of crossing that finish line. i can't describe it. everything that finish line symbolized and meant to me- the triumph of the cross, throwing off my past, sweet freedom in jesus, and the finish line of libby's cancer, just running 13.1 miles without stopping!! everything over the past 4 months had come down to crossing that finish line and we did it.
after a while of searching, we found some of our teammates and libby. we hugged and celebrated. 13.1 miles was done! we couldn't believe it. after cold showers, checking out of our hotel, long naps, ibuprofen, and a carb filled dinner, we all went to get tattoos! [well just me and julia got them but everyone else came for moral support, including lib] a couple of weeks before the race, i texted julia and said i kind of want to get a tattoo that has to do with the race. she was pretty on board about it and so we said if we thought of something to get then we would! we thought about it and decided on our way to nashville that we would get "set free" we decided that those words explained much of the reason that we ran the race. to celebrate our freedom and jesus setting us free.
"so if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed!" -john 8:36
free from sin. free from my past. free from death. free from guilt. free from cancer. free.
[mine is on my foot, i figured it was an appropriate place, and julia's is on her wrist]
after tattoos, me laney and julia went back to where lib was staying and just talked. this was my favorite part of the weekend. we got to ask more questions about cancer and hear her talk about things that she hadn't really talked about on her blog. looking back, i remember just being in awe listening to libby talk, in the same raw and real way that she typed on her blog. but this time it was in person and i loved it even more [who wouldn't?] we talked about how some people you just click with automatically and know that you are going to always be friends and we decided that was the case for us. the next morning, lib took us out to breakfast and we got to share more about our lives. and then we said our "see ya laters", not goodbyes.
close to 12 hours later after cowboy boot shopping downtown, gas stations, fro yo in a random town, and no traffic except in raleigh, we arrived home. it was such a special weekend.
thanks to everyone who read, who walked alongside us, who prayed, and who encouraged us. i hope that we will continue blogging even if its just about life. but thanks for taking this journey with us!
lib- sorry that it has taken so long for us to write but thanks for pushing us to write. nashville was so much more than it was cracked up to be and i dont know how to thank you enough for everything from that weekend. for your love, for caring about our lives, for wanting to spend time with us, for getting tattoos with us!, for being intentional, and for so much more. i remember being on the phone with my mom on friday night after dinner and saying, "mom, its crazy because she really wants to hang out with us!" saturday night and sunday morning, just us girls talking about real life,i will never forget. i couldn't have planned a better weekend. i am so thankful for your story, your blog, the person that you are in jesus and how all of those things changed me and changed the person that i am in jesus. i am so thankful for our friendship, that is now tangible and not just a cyber friendship:) cant wait for this summer at the river house! love you!
-han
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
almost there.
i can't believe it. as i talked to my parents on the phone while icing both of my knees with frozen vegetables i realized from the excitement in their voices that this was a huge thing. we ran close to, if not, TEN miles today. as we were running, i couldn't help but think of the first day- the two miles that made this whole journey seem impossible. with less than two weeks 'till nashville, there is no doubt in my mind that we will finish the race in one piece with a smile on our faces. on the run we talked a little about it. about how we get to road trip to TN and share this experience together. to meet libby together. to finally run 13.1. it all seems so surreal...but i'm getting used to it.
this morning i read some of romans chapter 1. i was so encouraged by paul's words. he talks about wanting to see his fellow believers. he writes, "When we get together, I want to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours." i can't help but think about team libby. in less than two weeks, a team of us in neon colored shirts with run for libby and for jesus and for freedom. i remember writing those words (basically) when we started the blog. but forreal: it's almost here. i can't be more encouraged by the picture that this team is of the body of Christ. we are from all over but we are coming together for the same purpose: to celebrate lib and to glorify Jesus.
i don't remember who it was but the other day we were running and someone (we knew them) said "yeahhhh team libby!!". no joke. not lying. it happened. but how huge is that? even though we knew them, i still think it's a big deal that they knew why we were running. and hasn't that been the hope from the beginning? that Jesus would become more and we would become less. through libby's story, he changed us. the Holy Spirit compelled us to run. and now? the Spirit is at work through our running. for His glory. that's beautiful.
happy birthday to a beautiful best friend and irreplaceable running partner. han, i am so thankful that 20 years ago today barb brought you into this world. you. are. a. blessing. i am humbled by the story Jesus has written for your life up until this point and thankful that i get to witness and experience a whole lot more life with you.
this morning i read some of romans chapter 1. i was so encouraged by paul's words. he talks about wanting to see his fellow believers. he writes, "When we get together, I want to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours." i can't help but think about team libby. in less than two weeks, a team of us in neon colored shirts with run for libby and for jesus and for freedom. i remember writing those words (basically) when we started the blog. but forreal: it's almost here. i can't be more encouraged by the picture that this team is of the body of Christ. we are from all over but we are coming together for the same purpose: to celebrate lib and to glorify Jesus.
i don't remember who it was but the other day we were running and someone (we knew them) said "yeahhhh team libby!!". no joke. not lying. it happened. but how huge is that? even though we knew them, i still think it's a big deal that they knew why we were running. and hasn't that been the hope from the beginning? that Jesus would become more and we would become less. through libby's story, he changed us. the Holy Spirit compelled us to run. and now? the Spirit is at work through our running. for His glory. that's beautiful.
happy birthday to a beautiful best friend and irreplaceable running partner. han, i am so thankful that 20 years ago today barb brought you into this world. you. are. a. blessing. i am humbled by the story Jesus has written for your life up until this point and thankful that i get to witness and experience a whole lot more life with you.
"and then the beat comes
and then she's moving on the dance floor
and I wonder what she's running from
if it'll catch her..."
-The Beat, Ben Rector
you're beat has been the call to persevere and be faithful. you ran straight into the arms of the Father and he won't let go.
i am so excited to go home. to spend time with my family and eat good food from our fridge. i got to pick my oldest brother up from the airport the other night and we went out for a late dinner date. we got to talking about Jesus and other really great things, and something that i've been thinking about ever since is how, because of Jesus, we get to openly come to the Father-sinful and confused and guilty-but he loves us. oh how He loves us! i am in awe. i get to approach the creator of the universe and call him Father because of Jesus. because of his sacrifice. and, because he rose from the grave, i get to worship the living Christ. amen. amen. amen. halleluyer.
i can't figure out how to put pictures in a post. it changed. so hopefully there will be pictures to go with this post soon (of han's bday and post 10ish mile run today).
i am humbled. and honored. to be a part of something like this is something i would never have imagined. it's so much bigger than us. thank the Lord for that. because, like we've said before, if it was about us we wouldn't have made it those first two miles.
this was a really long post. i guess this is a sign that i need to post more often. which i already knew. but i'm surprised at how much i had to say.
overwhelmed by his provision. gosh this is incredible.
Julia
20
"i have designed you to need me moment by moment. as your awareness of your neediness increases, so does your realization of my abundant sufficiency. i can meet every one of your needs without draining my resources at all. approach my throne of grace with bold confidence, receiving my peace with a thankful heart." -jesus calling
what an encouragement this was this morning. needing jesus moment by moment is not weakness, we are designed that way. and oh how i needed jesus moment by moment (mile by mile) today. we ran 9 point something close to 10. it was hard but it is done. its hard to describe our runs and i feel like i always say the same thing, "hard but good" but thats kind of all i can say. we ran with laney [who will be running with us in nashville] and one of her friends halie sue. something crazy about them: they dont run with music. seems like such an irrelevant thing but my runs are literally planned around charging my ipod and i really didn't think i could do it without. but i wasn't going to be the only non-social loser running with my ipod [not that i could talk much anyway] so i didnt take it. and survived, i know crazy. and i might have even liked it better. time seemed to go by a little faster. i hit a hard part at mile 6 and it never really got easier til i was done but never did i think that i couldn't finish. somehow in the midst of 9 miles i was confident. confident in jesus' strength and confident that the holy spirit was going to continue to carry my feet even when my knees hurt, even when my breathing was out of control, and even when i was moving as slow as a turtle. over and over i prayed, carry my feet holy spirit.and they were carried, 9 and something miles. and i am so thankful.
tomorrow [well today since it is now after midnight] i turn twenty. twenty, that sounds weird. it will be a girls day with my mom and my sisters with cute restaurants, massages, girl talk, my sweet little nieces, cupcakes and a family softball game to end the night. [my dad and brother-in-laws all play on a league for my parents church] but i am so excited about just the [quiet] time (my nieces will be with their "a-ma" for some of the afternoon) that i will get to spend with my mom and sisters. there is something so sweet about sisters, especially as you grow older and get to experience more of life together without all the dumb fights that you had growing up. and same goes with my mom, i would have probably thought you were crazy if you told me in high school that my mom was going to be one of my best friends in college but its true. time with just us 4 is so rare and special to me. so tomorrow i am going to really take advantage of it because there's no other way that i would rather spend my birthday.
and my birthday present to myself, a day of rest :) which i think is well deserved after today.
cheers to 20,
han
what an encouragement this was this morning. needing jesus moment by moment is not weakness, we are designed that way. and oh how i needed jesus moment by moment (mile by mile) today. we ran 9 point something close to 10. it was hard but it is done. its hard to describe our runs and i feel like i always say the same thing, "hard but good" but thats kind of all i can say. we ran with laney [who will be running with us in nashville] and one of her friends halie sue. something crazy about them: they dont run with music. seems like such an irrelevant thing but my runs are literally planned around charging my ipod and i really didn't think i could do it without. but i wasn't going to be the only non-social loser running with my ipod [not that i could talk much anyway] so i didnt take it. and survived, i know crazy. and i might have even liked it better. time seemed to go by a little faster. i hit a hard part at mile 6 and it never really got easier til i was done but never did i think that i couldn't finish. somehow in the midst of 9 miles i was confident. confident in jesus' strength and confident that the holy spirit was going to continue to carry my feet even when my knees hurt, even when my breathing was out of control, and even when i was moving as slow as a turtle. over and over i prayed, carry my feet holy spirit.and they were carried, 9 and something miles. and i am so thankful.
tomorrow [well today since it is now after midnight] i turn twenty. twenty, that sounds weird. it will be a girls day with my mom and my sisters with cute restaurants, massages, girl talk, my sweet little nieces, cupcakes and a family softball game to end the night. [my dad and brother-in-laws all play on a league for my parents church] but i am so excited about just the [quiet] time (my nieces will be with their "a-ma" for some of the afternoon) that i will get to spend with my mom and sisters. there is something so sweet about sisters, especially as you grow older and get to experience more of life together without all the dumb fights that you had growing up. and same goes with my mom, i would have probably thought you were crazy if you told me in high school that my mom was going to be one of my best friends in college but its true. time with just us 4 is so rare and special to me. so tomorrow i am going to really take advantage of it because there's no other way that i would rather spend my birthday.
and my birthday present to myself, a day of rest :) which i think is well deserved after today.
cheers to 20,
han
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
beautiful day.
this will be short, but i had a moment to write so i will. monday, in the heat of the afternoon, han and i ran eight freaking miles. EIGHT. it was hard. and there were tears. and prayers. and water breaks. our run epitomized us: broken. but it was okay. it was beautiful. i'll blog more in depth later and so will han.
today is a beautiful day. i can't believe the race is two weeks from saturday. holy crap that scares me just thinking about it. but today i will run 4. and i get to run with one of my sweet high school friends. it will be a special running day.
lib, were thinking about you. keep blogging, it encourages us. we can't wait to meet you and hug you at the finish line.
here's to continuing to run: through the brokenness, pain, and fear. jesus is doing this. we are blessed to be witnesses.
Julia
today is a beautiful day. i can't believe the race is two weeks from saturday. holy crap that scares me just thinking about it. but today i will run 4. and i get to run with one of my sweet high school friends. it will be a special running day.
lib, were thinking about you. keep blogging, it encourages us. we can't wait to meet you and hug you at the finish line.
here's to continuing to run: through the brokenness, pain, and fear. jesus is doing this. we are blessed to be witnesses.
Julia
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
and on the seventh day, we ran.
after reading han's, i can't go to bed...i have to post. like she said, sunday was seven. seven miles. i still can't believe that we went from barely 2 miles to running 7. we're alive. but the journey is long but over.
it's been a big bummer for us that we haven't been able to run like we "want" (i use quotes cause we never necessarily want to run. but, we do want to train...if that makes sense). needless to say, we were scared to run. but, as we were writing on our hands before, han remembered
it's been a big bummer for us that we haven't been able to run like we "want" (i use quotes cause we never necessarily want to run. but, we do want to train...if that makes sense). needless to say, we were scared to run. but, as we were writing on our hands before, han remembered
"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear..."
1 John 4:18
[if i had to describe what i see in hannah on a day to day basis it would be her quiet strength. i am amazed at her courage and assurance. she has an air about her that is calm but strong. thanks for being the level-headed one, han. even lately on these hard days, you are strong.]
sunday was an incredible running day. i can't describe it generally so i will go mile by mile...
[mile one]: confident. admiring our steady pace. enjoying the scenery. the sun is setting.
[mile two]: harder than usual. i have to pee. crap we still have to run 5 more of these. stop to text han's mom that we will be late for dinner.
[mile three]: potty break in the bushes. wow we still have 4 more miles. my breathing is steady but i am bored. so i pray. "Lord awaken my soul. Holy Spirit, meet us here. be the force that perpetuates our bodies forward. for your glory, Jesus." wow, still haven't gone very far. (look at hand) "Jesus, be with libby. let her know how beautiful she is (and how hot she is with her pixie cut). give her motivation to continue to seek after you. continue to heal her body." i'm tired. i can see the 4 mile mark. "hannah, I have no idea how I am going to go 3 more."
[mile 5]: "Lord, make me move. I am tired. this stinks but this isn't about me. awaken my soul. awaken something inside of me that compels me to keep running..." i realize that i am moving/running quickly and effortlessly...something i have never experienced up until this point... like a force inside me was moving me and i was just there to witness it. runner's high? no. Holy Spirit? yes.
-turn off music-
[mile 6] prayers for han
[mile 7] prayers for two friends. i feel alive.
it's hard to put it into words but i will continue to try,
J
Monday, April 4, 2011
on to the next one.
seven was completed. one.two.three.four.five.six.seven. [those numbers seems much further apart when running] and sunday we will run eight. then nine. then ten. then 13.1.
in 26 days, we will run 13.1 miles.
that blows my mind. and kind of scares me that its so soon. i have been a little discouraged and nervous about it all. is this really going to be possible? we haven't done too good at keeping up with our schedule. life gets busy and we really haven't had much time to run together in the past couple of weeks which isn't fun. i hate days when we have to run by ourselves. not fun. but something felt good about yesterday. [not really my body] but after the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th mile (ha) i felt like i found this new motivation. there has always been a lot of "mind" motivation and things to run for from day 1 but not really physical motivation, my body doesn't die to run by any means. and not that i am dieing to run 4.5 miles tomorrow but im excited and i think physically motivated for once. and i hope that it will stay until april 29th. i don't think ill need much on the morning of april 30th, in nashville, with the ryders, with team libby, with julia and laney next to me, with our safety green tshirts and wristbands, with my mom and sister [hopefully] at the finish line. [that wasn't to guilt trip you into coming mom and linds :) ] it gives me chills just thinking about it. maybe ill even run it twice. ha just kidding.
something im excited about:
i think one of my favorite qualities about julia is her passion. especially when its passion for jesus. i love it and it is such an encouragement. prayer was really laid upon her heart yesterday so before we ran, she had the idea of writing peoples names on our hands to pray for as we ran and it was great. we wrote each other's and lib's and friends names. and then on the last mile i had this crazy idea of dedicating each mile of the race to a hindrance that we are throwing off or someone we love that needs prayer. and we can write all thirteen of those on our arms the morning of the race and really pray specifically for something on each mile. so i am going to start working on that list and praying about that list. but im excited because i think it will be great.
something to be praying for:
i have bad hips. i feel like an old lady saying that but i really do feel like i already need two hip replacements and im 19. i think i injured them during soccer in high school and they just have never really healed. and they haven't bothered me too bad until mile 7 yesterday. and then this morning, they were very angry at me. i am really bad at doing the hip exercises that the doctor gave me to do months ago [meaning i haven't done one day of them] so i really should start doing those, even though im not sure how much help it will do in 26 days. but now im scared for race day. that they will hurt on 7 and i will have 6 more miles to go. so pray against that and pray for protection against injury for the both of us until race day and for race day. because it would suck so much and i would cry for days if one of us couldn't run.
thanks for reading, supporting, praying, and loving. its much easier when you have people standing beside you.
-han
in 26 days, we will run 13.1 miles.
that blows my mind. and kind of scares me that its so soon. i have been a little discouraged and nervous about it all. is this really going to be possible? we haven't done too good at keeping up with our schedule. life gets busy and we really haven't had much time to run together in the past couple of weeks which isn't fun. i hate days when we have to run by ourselves. not fun. but something felt good about yesterday. [not really my body] but after the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th mile (ha) i felt like i found this new motivation. there has always been a lot of "mind" motivation and things to run for from day 1 but not really physical motivation, my body doesn't die to run by any means. and not that i am dieing to run 4.5 miles tomorrow but im excited and i think physically motivated for once. and i hope that it will stay until april 29th. i don't think ill need much on the morning of april 30th, in nashville, with the ryders, with team libby, with julia and laney next to me, with our safety green tshirts and wristbands, with my mom and sister [hopefully] at the finish line. [that wasn't to guilt trip you into coming mom and linds :) ] it gives me chills just thinking about it. maybe ill even run it twice. ha just kidding.
something im excited about:
i think one of my favorite qualities about julia is her passion. especially when its passion for jesus. i love it and it is such an encouragement. prayer was really laid upon her heart yesterday so before we ran, she had the idea of writing peoples names on our hands to pray for as we ran and it was great. we wrote each other's and lib's and friends names. and then on the last mile i had this crazy idea of dedicating each mile of the race to a hindrance that we are throwing off or someone we love that needs prayer. and we can write all thirteen of those on our arms the morning of the race and really pray specifically for something on each mile. so i am going to start working on that list and praying about that list. but im excited because i think it will be great.
something to be praying for:
i have bad hips. i feel like an old lady saying that but i really do feel like i already need two hip replacements and im 19. i think i injured them during soccer in high school and they just have never really healed. and they haven't bothered me too bad until mile 7 yesterday. and then this morning, they were very angry at me. i am really bad at doing the hip exercises that the doctor gave me to do months ago [meaning i haven't done one day of them] so i really should start doing those, even though im not sure how much help it will do in 26 days. but now im scared for race day. that they will hurt on 7 and i will have 6 more miles to go. so pray against that and pray for protection against injury for the both of us until race day and for race day. because it would suck so much and i would cry for days if one of us couldn't run.
thanks for reading, supporting, praying, and loving. its much easier when you have people standing beside you.
-han
Friday, March 25, 2011
finally time.
well i started this two days ago and then i got frustrated and went to bed. so now i will try to finish.
life hasn't really calmed down until today. some friends have asked me if we gave up since we hadn't posted in a while but we haven't. i thought about it last week when we were running 3 (which should be easy by now) as tears were slowly hitting my cheeks because i really didn't think it was physically possible for my body to finish. but i think thats what a week of no running and haitian bacteria stomach issues will do to you. much better now and no we are not and will not quit.
i have been putting posting off because of haiti. because i dont know how to put any of it into words but i am forced to on here so i will try. "how was haiti?" has been the question of the past week. and i have been trying to figure out and still am trying to figure it all out. i will never forget it. never forget what i saw, those kids asking for everything on your body, the beauty of the country, the poverty and hunger, but most importantly their smile and joy like i have never seen before, pure joy. in the kids that we hung out with, in the adults that we passed on the road that never didn't smile, and in the young life leaders there who are daily risking their life for kids to know jesus. i want to love jesus like they do, i want my kids that i have one day to love jesus like they do, i want other people to see how they love jesus, and i want them to want that. i can say confidently that they have more joy than 99.9% of the people i know. and that's because they are forced to put everything in jesus because they have next to nothing. their resources for necessities for survival may be lacking, but still they are joyful. i don't ever want to forget their pure and raw love for jesus that is so rare here in america, it was beautiful.
i think about all the dumb things that put me in bad moods, all the conveniences that we have that are really just distractions, the privileges that i had growing up and continue to have as a college student in america, the fact that my parents never couldn't afford to put a meal in front of me or put shoes on my feet and how i am so incredibly thankful but frustrated at the same time. why me and why not them?
i am still trying to process everything and am praying that the lord will continue to reveal these things to me. but i am still kind of numb. numb because i dont really know where to go from here. part of me wants to pack up and go. i dont know where but somewhere. somewhere without distractions where my love for jesus will be pure. because i dont feel like it is. but then i have to be rational and realize that the lord has put me here in raleigh as a student and a young life leader for at least the next two years and i can't lose sight of that [even though there seems to be next to no motivation for school currently] who knows where the lord will take me in two years but for now i am here in raleigh. and striving to have a pure heart only for jesus. [it will probably take me a while to figure that out]
i am forever changed by the haitians and i dont think that i really expected that. i think i expected to bring joy to these devastated and poverty-stricken people. to go, to help and bring smiles to their faces, and then return home. but quite the opposite happened. in the midst of their poverty, the smiles on their faces and the joy was already there and i realized it was missing in me.
please continue to pray for haiti and if you ever have the chance to go, you should. then you will most likely understand why it is too hard to put into words.
-han
life hasn't really calmed down until today. some friends have asked me if we gave up since we hadn't posted in a while but we haven't. i thought about it last week when we were running 3 (which should be easy by now) as tears were slowly hitting my cheeks because i really didn't think it was physically possible for my body to finish. but i think thats what a week of no running and haitian bacteria stomach issues will do to you. much better now and no we are not and will not quit.
i have been putting posting off because of haiti. because i dont know how to put any of it into words but i am forced to on here so i will try. "how was haiti?" has been the question of the past week. and i have been trying to figure out and still am trying to figure it all out. i will never forget it. never forget what i saw, those kids asking for everything on your body, the beauty of the country, the poverty and hunger, but most importantly their smile and joy like i have never seen before, pure joy. in the kids that we hung out with, in the adults that we passed on the road that never didn't smile, and in the young life leaders there who are daily risking their life for kids to know jesus. i want to love jesus like they do, i want my kids that i have one day to love jesus like they do, i want other people to see how they love jesus, and i want them to want that. i can say confidently that they have more joy than 99.9% of the people i know. and that's because they are forced to put everything in jesus because they have next to nothing. their resources for necessities for survival may be lacking, but still they are joyful. i don't ever want to forget their pure and raw love for jesus that is so rare here in america, it was beautiful.
i think about all the dumb things that put me in bad moods, all the conveniences that we have that are really just distractions, the privileges that i had growing up and continue to have as a college student in america, the fact that my parents never couldn't afford to put a meal in front of me or put shoes on my feet and how i am so incredibly thankful but frustrated at the same time. why me and why not them?
i am still trying to process everything and am praying that the lord will continue to reveal these things to me. but i am still kind of numb. numb because i dont really know where to go from here. part of me wants to pack up and go. i dont know where but somewhere. somewhere without distractions where my love for jesus will be pure. because i dont feel like it is. but then i have to be rational and realize that the lord has put me here in raleigh as a student and a young life leader for at least the next two years and i can't lose sight of that [even though there seems to be next to no motivation for school currently] who knows where the lord will take me in two years but for now i am here in raleigh. and striving to have a pure heart only for jesus. [it will probably take me a while to figure that out]
i am forever changed by the haitians and i dont think that i really expected that. i think i expected to bring joy to these devastated and poverty-stricken people. to go, to help and bring smiles to their faces, and then return home. but quite the opposite happened. in the midst of their poverty, the smiles on their faces and the joy was already there and i realized it was missing in me.
please continue to pray for haiti and if you ever have the chance to go, you should. then you will most likely understand why it is too hard to put into words.
-han
Monday, March 21, 2011
settled.
our lives have finally slowed down since we got back from Haiti. we were able to run last week a little but we will officially start back on schedule today. my body is settled and going through the motions of everyday life in raleigh but my heart and mind are still wrestling with what the Lord is teaching me through our trip to Haiti.
i could say it was life-changing, and that would be true but it wouldn't do it justice. i really had no idea what to expect when we arrived in port au prince. i'm glad i had no expectations. without them, i was able to take in everything that was going on around me without any preconceived notions about what "should be". i could go through where we were and when we traveled and the tasks we did but that wouldn't cover it.
what we did, really, was assist Haitian YL leaders in building relationships with people in the communities where they do ministry. we loved kids, teenagers, YL leaders, and older people in the community. they knew we were with young life and so when we left, the hope is that they would continue to go to YL. kids would be outside of our house calling our names or saying "hey YOU" in order for us to come and play from the time we woke up to when we went to sleep. they loved us and we loved loving them. one thing that was hard was when they would ask us for stuff. literally, every single item we were wearing. that was a struggle. we wanted to be able to give them everything but we couldn't (we needed clothes to wear) but more importantly- giving them "things" was not going to last. it wouldn't satisfy them. i was reminded that material things are simply the glitter of this world but gold is found in Jesus. i was comforted by Jesus' words as he is praying for his disciples before he dies in Luke 17,
i could say it was life-changing, and that would be true but it wouldn't do it justice. i really had no idea what to expect when we arrived in port au prince. i'm glad i had no expectations. without them, i was able to take in everything that was going on around me without any preconceived notions about what "should be". i could go through where we were and when we traveled and the tasks we did but that wouldn't cover it.
what we did, really, was assist Haitian YL leaders in building relationships with people in the communities where they do ministry. we loved kids, teenagers, YL leaders, and older people in the community. they knew we were with young life and so when we left, the hope is that they would continue to go to YL. kids would be outside of our house calling our names or saying "hey YOU" in order for us to come and play from the time we woke up to when we went to sleep. they loved us and we loved loving them. one thing that was hard was when they would ask us for stuff. literally, every single item we were wearing. that was a struggle. we wanted to be able to give them everything but we couldn't (we needed clothes to wear) but more importantly- giving them "things" was not going to last. it wouldn't satisfy them. i was reminded that material things are simply the glitter of this world but gold is found in Jesus. i was comforted by Jesus' words as he is praying for his disciples before he dies in Luke 17,
'My prayer is not that you would take them out of this world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by your truth; your word is truth.'
(vv. 15-17)
taking all of the beautiful Haitian children that we fell in love with and bringing them to America and buying them things would not save them. feeding them and clothing them is imperative but even that will not save them. Jesus is the bread of life, only his Gospel can give them hope and save them. poverty in Haiti is cyclic, and it seems hopeless. even feeding 300 kids, like we had the chance to do, praise the Lord, was not enough, as there were people that we weren't able to feed. my prayer for Haiti is that the Lord will rise up more native leaders to minister to those who are without. not without things, but without Jesus. father, protect them from the evil one.
if i had nothing, like so many in Haiti, would i still have the hope of Jesus? in America, we have so many things that numb us to the aching in our souls for something greater. we are blinded to our need for salvation and our desire for real joy that is only found in relationship with Jesus. my need for him now seems greater because there are so many things in my life that can distract me from truth. i want my soul to be awakened to the pure joy that is found in Christ not because he can give me things and bless me but because he is simply, lovely.
even though they were living in slums, hungry, and half-naked, the kids in Haiti could still smile. they still had joy in the midst of severe poverty. i am clinging to the hope that is behind those smiles because that is something not of this world- mine or theirs.
please pray for Haiti. for people to hear the good news of Jesus. for those in ministry to be kept safe. for those who are hungry to be fed. for kids to be able to go to school. for the cycle of poverty to be broken.
there will be a day when pain will be washed away, hunger will be no more, and suffering will cease. oh what a glorious day that will be.
Julia
Sunday, March 6, 2011
welcome to miami.
Well we made it to miami! woke up at the glorious hour of 4am this morning on maybe 1.5 hours of sleep last night. that's probably why it feels like the middle of the day but its only 10:30. Our flight to port au prince departs around 2 so we have quite a long lay over here so I decided to blog. I am very anxious right now, just about a lot of different things but mainly just because I don't know what to expect. And getting sick is my biggest fear, which seems so dumb. but it is. so I am just praying against that anxiety. and I have a feeling that once we get there, that fear will subside. every aspect of this trip is completely out of my control. I am okay with that. I think. I have no doubt that this will be one of the hardest weeks of my life. But I am confident that the lord is going to not give us anything that we can't handle and I am even more confident that whatever he does give us, it will be nothing short of beautiful.
pray for safety, health, unity of our team, walls to be broken down between us and them, and most importantly that they will see nothing but jesus in us. pray that we will put our comfort, security, and ourselves last this week and that we will put jesus first.
anxious but excited,
-han
"the spirit of the lord GOD is upon me, because the lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor, he has sent me to find up the broken-hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives,and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the lord's favor, and the day of vengeance of our god; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in zion, to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that. He may be glorified. They shall build up the ancient ruins; they shall raise up the former devastations; they shall repair the ruined cities, the devastations of many generations." -isaiah 61 1-4
pray for safety, health, unity of our team, walls to be broken down between us and them, and most importantly that they will see nothing but jesus in us. pray that we will put our comfort, security, and ourselves last this week and that we will put jesus first.
anxious but excited,
-han
"the spirit of the lord GOD is upon me, because the lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor, he has sent me to find up the broken-hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives,and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the lord's favor, and the day of vengeance of our god; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in zion, to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that. He may be glorified. They shall build up the ancient ruins; they shall raise up the former devastations; they shall repair the ruined cities, the devastations of many generations." -isaiah 61 1-4
Saturday, March 5, 2011
romans 8.28
"and we know that in all things God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love him and have been called according to his purpose" Romans 8.28
US Passport Agencies (i capitalized, to emphasize the intensity) are regionally located throughout the US. closest one? washington, dc. i call the dc agency to schedule an appointment through a long and drawn out automated appointment system and there isn't one for friday. next i call the agency in philadelphia. got an appointment for noon. but i need passport pictures. i need my birth certificate or my old passport both of which are in wilmington. so i pack a bag, call hannah, and go to kinko's in between for pictures. i got to kinko's at 10:58. they close at 11. the result?
every time i travel for the next 10 years i will be able to remember all of this with this photo.
thanks, kinko's man.
i rush to pick up hannah. were driving to wilmington (2 hours from raleigh) to get my passport. at this point, my plan is to drive through the night to philadelphia. as we are leaving raleigh, han presents me with the facts of the matter: we would hit morning traffic, we would risk missing my appointment, and we would get back to raleigh 30 hours before leaving for haiti not having slept. SIKE. reluctantly, i ask hannah to call coco and try to book a flight from raleigh for the morning. note: up until this point, i was refusing to fly. i had made a huge mistake in not checking my passport and was so upset with myself that i just wanted to take things into my own hands and drive a total of 20 hours to fix it. surprisingly, this sounded logical at the time. but, flying was the only sane option.
we made it to my parents' house in an hour and 15 minutes- record time. after snacking, talking to my half-asleep mom, and grabbing more snacks for the road, we head back to raleigh. we got back at 4am. my flight was scheduled to leave at 7:40am from raleigh. i went to sleep around 4:30.
today, i woke up surprisingly energized and went to the airport at 6:30. i thought i had come to the end of the road when i saw the line for checking in. thankfully, i wasn't checking any bags so i went to the very front of the line and checked in at a kiosk. got through security, got some mags, said a lot of prayers, and got on the plane to philly. on the plane, i got to share my story with the lady next to me and she suggested taking the train/subway from the airport right downtown. it's cheaper and faster than a taxi. my thoughts? when in rome, do as the romans do. bring it on subway. after i got off of the plane, i headed straight to the train. i got on right as they were closing the doors. the conductor told me where i needed to get off and how to switch trains. i got a ticket and enjoyed the graffiti scenery on the way downtown. after getting further directions from the information desk at the subway station (after i got off of the first train) i found my way to my second train and got on. when i got off at my stop, i walked up to the street. kind of felt like a movie where "small town girl (even though im not from a small town) gets thrown into the big city". thankfully, the passport agency was only a block away. when i saw the building, i realized this really was an intense government operation. the security seemed more intense than the airport. but the security guard saw that i was from wilmington and proceeded to tell me about all of his relatives who live there and how he visits often. thankful that i could make friends while in philly.
i had to fill out an application for a new passport (which scared me because it made me think there was a possibility they wouldn't be able to do it immediately) and checked in an hour and a half before my appointment. the lady took all of my documents and gave me a number. i waited literally 3 mins before my number was called and then she told me my passport would be ready at 2:30. piece of cake.
i had 3 hours to wait so i hung out in a really cute cafe/coffee shop for the entire 3 hours. i talked to my friends and my parents and my brother, sam and my sister, shaunna. i tried to post this then (it took me an hour to write) but then it wouldn't post and wouldn't allow me to edit. that was the only time i cried today. which, compared to last night, and mixing complete exhaustion into the mix i thought wasn't half bad. at 2 i picked up my passport EARLY and headed back on the subway to the airport. but this time, i ended up at the main amtrak station in downtown philly instead of switching rails underground. scared me a little but i got on my train.
when i got to the airport i had 3 hours until my flight. i ate frozen yogurt and had some lemonade before i fell asleep curled up around my backpack on the ground next to the kiosk. the nice kiosk-working-man woke me up twice to ask me if i was going to manchester, that was a nope, and then to tell me my gate had been changed, which was necessary. when we got onto the runway, we were twenty-eighth in line to leave. TWENTY-EIGHTH. i fell back asleep. an hour later, we were finally ready to take off. i slept the whole flight. sitting up, careful not to touch or weird out the girl beside me and im 100% positive my mouth was wide open the whole time. hope i didn't snore. couldn't find my car when i got back to the raleigh airport. at 6:30 am, i wasn't paying attention to what level and row i parked in (another travel lessoned learned). okay so i lied before, i cried then too, just a little, because i was looking for my car in a parking deck where everything looked the same for 30mins. but two times in one crazy day? i'll take it. i literally said outloud "Lord, help me find my car. i'm tired, and we've already gotten this far today." two seconds later i was standing next to my car, only to realize it was mine by clicking the lock button and hearing it beep. God is good.
lesson learned: check the expiration date/travel documents months before a trip. bigger lesson learned? God is bigger than travel plans, anxiety, fear, pride, anger, tears (violent sobs), driving at 3am, sleep (or lack thereof), flights, scary places, government policy/procedure, and money. the money one was huge for me. that's why i was reluctant to take a flight in the beginning- because it would be so much. but what i realized today was that in the grand scheme of things, it will be taken care of and it's not the end all be all. people loved me so well today with tweets, FB posts, texts, and prayers. 24 hours later, i can say that i am glad i went through this. this was nuts. but it's an epic story.
what's an even greater story is that in 27 hours i will be waking up to travel to haiti with some of the most beautiful people i know in order to share the most beautiful news i know- the good news of Jesus. in the midst of tragedy, hopelessness, and fear we get to enter in with the greatest warrior on our side. my prayer is that the people we come into contact with within the next week would experience God's healing power and mighty strength in a way that i can't even begin to wrap my mind around. it's going to be a battle. but i will hold fast to the fact that our hearts are battleground that Jesus has already won. i pray that we fight hard spiritually and that our bodies follow. after all, i've learned lately that physical pain and exhaustion are relative when accompanied by hearts that are in just the right place.
needless to say, we didn't run today. but we will be running six tomorrow.
pre-haiti post soon to come,
Julia
ps: i wouldn't hate having another friday in philly in the near future. minus stress and exhaustion. plus some good friends.
i had to fill out an application for a new passport (which scared me because it made me think there was a possibility they wouldn't be able to do it immediately) and checked in an hour and a half before my appointment. the lady took all of my documents and gave me a number. i waited literally 3 mins before my number was called and then she told me my passport would be ready at 2:30. piece of cake.
i had 3 hours to wait so i hung out in a really cute cafe/coffee shop for the entire 3 hours. i talked to my friends and my parents and my brother, sam and my sister, shaunna. i tried to post this then (it took me an hour to write) but then it wouldn't post and wouldn't allow me to edit. that was the only time i cried today. which, compared to last night, and mixing complete exhaustion into the mix i thought wasn't half bad. at 2 i picked up my passport EARLY and headed back on the subway to the airport. but this time, i ended up at the main amtrak station in downtown philly instead of switching rails underground. scared me a little but i got on my train.
lesson learned: check the expiration date/travel documents months before a trip. bigger lesson learned? God is bigger than travel plans, anxiety, fear, pride, anger, tears (violent sobs), driving at 3am, sleep (or lack thereof), flights, scary places, government policy/procedure, and money. the money one was huge for me. that's why i was reluctant to take a flight in the beginning- because it would be so much. but what i realized today was that in the grand scheme of things, it will be taken care of and it's not the end all be all. people loved me so well today with tweets, FB posts, texts, and prayers. 24 hours later, i can say that i am glad i went through this. this was nuts. but it's an epic story.
what's an even greater story is that in 27 hours i will be waking up to travel to haiti with some of the most beautiful people i know in order to share the most beautiful news i know- the good news of Jesus. in the midst of tragedy, hopelessness, and fear we get to enter in with the greatest warrior on our side. my prayer is that the people we come into contact with within the next week would experience God's healing power and mighty strength in a way that i can't even begin to wrap my mind around. it's going to be a battle. but i will hold fast to the fact that our hearts are battleground that Jesus has already won. i pray that we fight hard spiritually and that our bodies follow. after all, i've learned lately that physical pain and exhaustion are relative when accompanied by hearts that are in just the right place.
"and the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever, Amen." 1 Peter 5.10-11
needless to say, we didn't run today. but we will be running six tomorrow.
pre-haiti post soon to come,
Julia
ps: i wouldn't hate having another friday in philly in the near future. minus stress and exhaustion. plus some good friends.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
obessed.
we ran 5 yesterday. it sucked. yesterday was the first day that i really wanted to quit. i wanted to cry on mile 2, maybe even 1. but we finished it. i know that there will be good and bad days, yesterday was bad. hopefully april 30th will be a good day, i have a pretty good feeling it will be.
me and julia leave on sunday with a small group of yl leaders for haiti. please pray for us this week at we spiritually prepare our hearts and minds.
i will leave you with this video/song that i am currently obsessed with. the lyrics are my prayer.
[there's no place i'd rather be than here in your love. set a fire down in my soul, that i can't contain, that i can't control, cause i want more of you God]
thanks for reading, praying, supporting. love y'all so much
-han
me and julia leave on sunday with a small group of yl leaders for haiti. please pray for us this week at we spiritually prepare our hearts and minds.
i will leave you with this video/song that i am currently obsessed with. the lyrics are my prayer.
[there's no place i'd rather be than here in your love. set a fire down in my soul, that i can't contain, that i can't control, cause i want more of you God]
thanks for reading, praying, supporting. love y'all so much
-han
Sunday, February 27, 2011
4,200 miles.
meet my brother eli. right now, he is in bremen, germany studying abroad. i wish i could explain how much i love eli. not only is he an older brother, but he is one of my best friends. skyping with him tonight made my weekend (mind you, it was 6am there when we skyped). eli is living in dorm-style housing with people from many different countries. in the picture, we are modeling our team libby bracelets. mom sent him one in a care package. e was so proud to wear it. he kept telling emphasizing how proud he was of hannah and me and how moved he has been by our story and libby's story. really, by God's story that he is writing with all of this.
in germany, the favorite soccer team's rival's color is lime green. naturally, people would think that he is supporting the rival team with his green bracelet. so when people ask e what team he cheers for, he holds up his wrist and says "team libby".
he was telling me how when people ask about our family he doesn't really know how to explain our dynamics, especially in german. lately, i've been thinking a lot about our family. the phrase i keep coming back to is "open, honest love". growing up there wasn't any hiding. we were always supported and challenged but most of all, as individuals, we were nurtured. my two brothers and i are all so different (it's been determined that i am a mix of my two older bros). but my parents, god bless them, did an incredible job. when writing mom and dad a valentine i realized that the way they love, not only our family but those around them, points directly to Christ's love. it's pure and unconditional. and in it, i find freedom to be who i was created to be. there are no masks in the kennedy house. believe me, it makes for an interesting time.
[e-man: you are a beautiful soul. thank-you loving your little sis to pieces and giving the advice of a best friend and a big bro at the same time.]
tomorrow we run 5. i'm excited. my prayer is that we don't become numb to what God has truly called us to do with this/what it really means. we are running in response to what God has done in our lives. we are running because we want to come to the ends of ourselves. we want to experience the mighty strength of Christ (and we already have) in physically doing something that we could never do on our own. we want to celebrate his sovereignty and healing power.
to think this is just the beginning.
Julia
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
6?
6 miles has never been in my vocabulary. maybe when talking about crazy runners that i am secretly envious of. but today it entered my vocabulary. we thought we were a week behind so instead of doing 4 like the original plan we decided to do 5. but then we turned the wrong way on the trail and so we just decided to do 6. no big deal. and seriously that is what it felt like to both of us. it was so insane. and i still don't get it. i don't get how 6 freaking miles was the easiest run yet. but i love it.
i haven't written since hearing lib's great news. and partly because i dont even know what to write besides the fact that i am so happy for her and justin. i can't imagine what they are feeling. on friday, i sat in 76 degree north carolina sunshine as one of my friends read to me aloud the post that was long awaited. as he read, i closed my eyes and tried to imagine the pure joy that they are now experiencing after kicking this cancer's butt. what a great ending and what an even greater beginning.
we had a birthday party for one of my roommates friday night and i told her i was jealous that she got to share her special day with libby's special day. so we secretly celebrated for you too libby. and that 6th mile today was for you too.
might feel those 6 miles when i wake up but for now i am good. we're going to kick this half marathon's butt. i know it.
-han
i haven't written since hearing lib's great news. and partly because i dont even know what to write besides the fact that i am so happy for her and justin. i can't imagine what they are feeling. on friday, i sat in 76 degree north carolina sunshine as one of my friends read to me aloud the post that was long awaited. as he read, i closed my eyes and tried to imagine the pure joy that they are now experiencing after kicking this cancer's butt. what a great ending and what an even greater beginning.
we had a birthday party for one of my roommates friday night and i told her i was jealous that she got to share her special day with libby's special day. so we secretly celebrated for you too libby. and that 6th mile today was for you too.
might feel those 6 miles when i wake up but for now i am good. we're going to kick this half marathon's butt. i know it.
-han
Friday, February 18, 2011
tears of joy.
libby is cancer free. as i read her post, tears began streaming down my face. Jesus is so faithful.
"He never left us. not even for a second. I thought this morning that He loves us so much that He trusted us with cancer. That if we gave Him all the glory He would take care of the rest. and did He take care of us!"- lib
today is our rest day but today, i feel like i have to run. i feel the need to celebrate with the Lord. celebrate his healing. his promises. his love. his freedom.
so much joy,
Julia
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
four.three.two.
4
okay, i don't know why we haven't posted about this yet BUT this past sunday was FOUR miles. that's right, FOUR. on sunday night, before leadership, Jesus ran four miles and Han and I were there to witness it. i say this because our bodies in and of themselves could not and would not have gone for four. but they did. my prayer on sunday was that Jesus would move in us and be our strength. praise the Lord for hearing our hearts' cries (that were literal cries while running).3
today was three. as i said earlier today, i didn't want to run. but when it came time, i was ready. what i wasn't ready for was the pain. i'd say thus far that i haven't experienced intense physical pain while running. i think i've definitely felt my body but it hasn't been overwhelming. it's usually a mental challenge. today, my body was aching. it wasn't an overwhelming ache, as if my body was telling me to stop. but it was noticeable. and it was frequent. my muscles were burning. but my legs kept moving. then i realized that i hadn't prepared well for the run- i wasn't hydrated, we didn't stretch very well, and i was exhausted from lack of sleep. tomorrow, i will do things differently. but while i think about it, isn't this so representative of walking with Jesus? living for Christ is one of the most dangerous i think we can do- it's uncharted territory, most of the time. we don't know what's going to happen next. we don't know what is going to be thrown at us. but we are called to persevere and trust. God calls us to be faithful. but how? we are prepared for battle. it's how we will fight the good fight. it's how we will finish strong.
2
tomorrow is two. two little miles. you bet i will be drinking water tomorrow. and spend time stretching. and, come to think of it, go to bed after i finish posting. we thought three would be a piece of cake after four...SIKE. but tomorrow, we will be ready. who knows what could happen in 2 miles. my prayer is that everyday the Lord would show us his strength. his mighty strength.
"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness...for when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12.10
Julia
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
find rest.
running did not like me today and i did not like it either. i am starting to have strong feelings towards certain roads and i dont think that is very normal. today was one of those days that i hated most of the roads except for the one we started and ended on. but there will be days like that, many more i'm sure. and i am okay with that. the weather couldn't have been prettier so i am grateful for that. and always julia.
still can't believe we did 4 on sunday, never thought this body would ever run 4 miles but it did. one of my sweet friends from broughton encouraged me last week after talking about whenever she doubts, she looks to creation and her doubt is gone. we started our run kind of late on sunday and so for the first mile or two, there was a sunset. and that was all i needed to motivate me. i knew jesus was there with us and was cheering us on.
i realized while running (while literally screaming/singing to jesus) how much i needed him during that 4 miles. and how much i don't do that in my life, how much i think i can do by myself, how i think i can solve all the problems myself, how i work to try and please everyone and how exhausting it is. when things get hard i ironically run in the other direction instead of towards jesus because it is hard for me to just REST secured, i always need to be going or doing something to fix it. so my prayer is to slow down, realize that i can't do everything on my own, and just REST in jesus. my prayer is the same for you. it's only tuesday, im exhausted, life is crazy but rest this week is jesus.
resting securely,
hannah
still can't believe we did 4 on sunday, never thought this body would ever run 4 miles but it did. one of my sweet friends from broughton encouraged me last week after talking about whenever she doubts, she looks to creation and her doubt is gone. we started our run kind of late on sunday and so for the first mile or two, there was a sunset. and that was all i needed to motivate me. i knew jesus was there with us and was cheering us on.
i realized while running (while literally screaming/singing to jesus) how much i needed him during that 4 miles. and how much i don't do that in my life, how much i think i can do by myself, how i think i can solve all the problems myself, how i work to try and please everyone and how exhausting it is. when things get hard i ironically run in the other direction instead of towards jesus because it is hard for me to just REST secured, i always need to be going or doing something to fix it. so my prayer is to slow down, realize that i can't do everything on my own, and just REST in jesus. my prayer is the same for you. it's only tuesday, im exhausted, life is crazy but rest this week is jesus.
take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. for my yoke is easy and my burden is light." -matthew 11:29-30
resting securely,
hannah
willing?
as i was ready today's nugget in my utmost for his highest, jesus challenged me:
"How many of us are willing to spend every bit of our nervous, mental, moral, and spiritual energy for Jesus Christ?...Is it simply to be saved and sanctified? No, it is to be at work in service to Him. Am I willing to be broken bread and poured-out wine for Him?"
when i woke up today, i was not willing. i am tired. exhausted might be a better word. last night, my priorities were out of whack and i stayed up way too late doing homework that could have easily been done if i hadn't napped yesterday afternoon. more importantly, i wasn't "working wholeheartedly as if working for the Lord". today, i don't want to run. at all. but if i'm honest, today i don't really want to do much of anything- i'd like to just sleep.
it's not about me.
oh if i could count the number of times my monument of self righteousness has come crashing down. not only in this journey, but in my journey with Christ in my life thus far. i must become less so that He can become more. i know that my worth and joy comes from being with Jesus. my prayer is that this day can turn into an offering to Him- the only one who could compel me with willingness to run. i do not want to run. but i am willing, because Jesus was willing to run the race that brought us to the Father. and i am thankful for that. today, that's what i will remember.
"It is not that we are qualified to do anything on our own. Our qualification comes from God."
2 Corinthians 3:5
han- i couldn't do this without you. your accountability pushes me. on the days when i don't want to go, you are fired up. on the days you are scared, i am ready. this isn't by chance. we were meant to run this race together.
i still wish 1 o'clock would delay its arrival.
willing...i think,
Julia
Thursday, February 10, 2011
meant to run.
jesus made our bodies to run. hebrews 12:1 does not say let's walk with perseverance the race marked out for us. it says let's run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 1 corinthians 9:24 does not say walk in such a way so that you may attain the prize. it says run in such a way so that you may attain the prize. as much as i hate it, jesus made my body to run. not for myself. not for my past. not for libby. for him and his name. and not swiftly. but with urgency. urgency because the gospel is that urgent.
jesus also made our bodies to fight. oh how libby has fought. fought hard. and she is done done done with chemo. praise jesus! and today we celebrated that, oh how i cannot wait to hug her on april 30th. i can't imagine the emotions that her and justin are feeling. here's a glimpse [click here]
three miles has been hard and it was still hard today but it was different. good different. i always get this pit in my stomach before we run. i think because i know its going to be hard and i am scared. but today me and julia prayed against that fear. because fear doesn't exist in perfect love. so i think that fear diminished as i ran today and i hope that it continues to go away.
this weekend will be special. my sweet gaga turns 88 tomorrow so we will go out as a family tomorrow night to celebrate and that is always special. this weekend is also queen of hearts which is a huge dance at broughton. we will go to an assembly tomorrow, take pictures with our friends, eat dinner as a team and then chaperon at the dance on saturday. so it will be sweet time with my young life team and also sweet time to see my gorgeous girls all dressed up. in the midst of all that craziness, we will run four. and it will be great.
fearless in jesus,
han
jesus also made our bodies to fight. oh how libby has fought. fought hard. and she is done done done with chemo. praise jesus! and today we celebrated that, oh how i cannot wait to hug her on april 30th. i can't imagine the emotions that her and justin are feeling. here's a glimpse [click here]
three miles has been hard and it was still hard today but it was different. good different. i always get this pit in my stomach before we run. i think because i know its going to be hard and i am scared. but today me and julia prayed against that fear. because fear doesn't exist in perfect love. so i think that fear diminished as i ran today and i hope that it continues to go away.
this weekend will be special. my sweet gaga turns 88 tomorrow so we will go out as a family tomorrow night to celebrate and that is always special. this weekend is also queen of hearts which is a huge dance at broughton. we will go to an assembly tomorrow, take pictures with our friends, eat dinner as a team and then chaperon at the dance on saturday. so it will be sweet time with my young life team and also sweet time to see my gorgeous girls all dressed up. in the midst of all that craziness, we will run four. and it will be great.
fearless in jesus,
han
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
perspective.
today was lib's LAST day of chemo [WAHOOOOO y'all did it!]. i couldn't help but cry when watching the video justin put on his post on their blog (check it out). today, i have felt so lazy and apathetic. its crossed my mind multiple times today not to train. han and i are both so busy. but i can't. i can't give up on this journey. God is teaching me too much to let it fall by the way-side. i don't want to go. my body is tired. but tonight, after campaigners, i will go. i will go because jesus went. because libby went. and because my heart is beginning to crave freedom. the freedom that comes from not doing something for myself, but for the Lord. sometimes it's easy to be selfless about easy things. but to sacrifice my time and my energy to do something that is a small step in this long journey is hard to do today.
today was a reminder that this race isn't about going and running. it's about the journey, the discipline. jesus didn't say to just run aimlessly and without purpose. he said to run with perseverance. that implies that it will be hard. i'm tired. but there's a call to persevere.
putting one foot in front of the other,
Julia
there's freedom in captivity.
i feel like that's something the Lord has shown me over and over. it's my human nature to want to do things my way and be "free" and "happy". but the freedom that comes from serving the Lord brings me joy and fulfillment.
today was a reminder that this race isn't about going and running. it's about the journey, the discipline. jesus didn't say to just run aimlessly and without purpose. he said to run with perseverance. that implies that it will be hard. i'm tired. but there's a call to persevere.
putting one foot in front of the other,
Julia
Monday, February 7, 2011
risky.
this weekend the young life tarheel region met for a conference in greensboro. it was a great time to refocus and get fed truth. something that struck me in the club talks was the idea of riskiness. ministry is 'risky'. stepping out of the boat was 'risky' for peter. a one-liner that the speaker used was "if you want to know a big God, need a big God." basically, if i want to know God and his power and experience his love in its entirety, i need to actually take risks so that without him, i'll fall flat on my face. oh have i begun to taste the strength of our enormous God...
case in point: our 3 mile run.
yesterday we did 3 miles. after friday and feeling like i could've run for longer, i wasn't too scared. but yesterday, fear began to creep in during the first 5 minutes. it was a beautiful day to run and the road we were running on was more-or-less flat. but i was relying on myself. my focus was somewhere else. it wasn't even on my lack of breath or pain in my legs or how much longer we had to run. i was just not focused on God.
after the 1 mile mark, i began to focus. jesus. libby. the cross. hebrews 12. God's strength. our purpose. and i began to breathe deeper. my legs weren't painful, they were strong. the distance just turned into more time i had to worship and focus on this journey that is so much greater than myself. then, in christ alone started to play,
case in point: our 3 mile run.
yesterday we did 3 miles. after friday and feeling like i could've run for longer, i wasn't too scared. but yesterday, fear began to creep in during the first 5 minutes. it was a beautiful day to run and the road we were running on was more-or-less flat. but i was relying on myself. my focus was somewhere else. it wasn't even on my lack of breath or pain in my legs or how much longer we had to run. i was just not focused on God.
after the 1 mile mark, i began to focus. jesus. libby. the cross. hebrews 12. God's strength. our purpose. and i began to breathe deeper. my legs weren't painful, they were strong. the distance just turned into more time i had to worship and focus on this journey that is so much greater than myself. then, in christ alone started to play,
"there in the ground, his body lay
light of the world by darkness slain
then bursting forth, in glorious day
up from the grave he rose again"
my feet began to move faster. the celebratory fist pumps became more frequent and, multiple times, i lifted my hands in worship and surrender. jesus took my pride, my brokenness, and my pain when he died on the cross. but he broke it's power when he rose from the grave. i was running towards jesus, not the 3 mile mark.
this journey is paralleling so much of the Gospel. my prayer is that we don't lose sight of that or our huge God. it's overwhelming but it's all so, so sweet.
[sweet Laney, thanks for running with us yesterday. thanks for being an incredible teammate and an even more incredible friend. thank you for joining us in this race. and also the race in nashville.]
trying to take a risk,
Julia
Sunday, February 6, 2011
we did it.
three miles. we did it. im going to be honest. after that, i cannot fathom thirteen miles, i just cant. but i am trying to not think about that right now.
today i discovered how mental this whole running thing is. while i was on mile three feeling like i was going to "die", i realized i really wasn't. it wasn't even that my legs were tired, it was my breathing and my mind that was telling me to stop. so that needs to change big time (especially the mind part) or else this is going to be miserable. my mind needs to be retrained and OVERflowing with scripture. so that is my goal for this week.
church this morning was so good. jd used king's david story to talk about the consequences of sin and even though our sins are forever washed away, there are still painful consequences. it hit hard and during the last worship songs i sat and cried. cried hard. but in thankfulness. thankfulness that my sin is not my last word and that i have a new identity in christ. thankfulness that even though i have been broken, i have been restored. restored with value that wouldn't have existed if i had never been broken in the first place.
thankful and exhausted
-han
ps- so glad you ran with us today laney, love you so much and am so glad we are all in this together. OH and julia, you kicked butt today. so thankful for you and how you daily push me to jesus.
today i discovered how mental this whole running thing is. while i was on mile three feeling like i was going to "die", i realized i really wasn't. it wasn't even that my legs were tired, it was my breathing and my mind that was telling me to stop. so that needs to change big time (especially the mind part) or else this is going to be miserable. my mind needs to be retrained and OVERflowing with scripture. so that is my goal for this week.
church this morning was so good. jd used king's david story to talk about the consequences of sin and even though our sins are forever washed away, there are still painful consequences. it hit hard and during the last worship songs i sat and cried. cried hard. but in thankfulness. thankfulness that my sin is not my last word and that i have a new identity in christ. thankfulness that even though i have been broken, i have been restored. restored with value that wouldn't have existed if i had never been broken in the first place.
thankful and exhausted
-han
ps- so glad you ran with us today laney, love you so much and am so glad we are all in this together. OH and julia, you kicked butt today. so thankful for you and how you daily push me to jesus.
easy like sunday mornin'.
"He turned the cross into resurrection which means he can turn your pain into triumph."
-J.D. Greear 2/6/10
let's run.
Julia
Friday, February 4, 2011
day of rest
today is our day of rest. i am really happy about that (mainly because it has been raining all day and i dont think it has reached 40 degrees yet) crazy how that worked out but god is good. yesterday was hard. sweet katie joined us and it was so fun to have her run with us. so proud of you kate :) the first part was great but the run back after strength training at the gym was brutal. and as julia explained i learned my lesson about making sure my ipod is charged. but i survived without music. no music forced me to think and thinking led to prayer. so i prayed hard during that last mile of steady inclining hills and we made it. so proud of us.
julia filled you in on hearing from libby. i cant even explain my excitement and the hypervenitlation that occured in my house so im not going to try. but thanks for the encouragement lib and i cannot wait to meet you in nashville. know that me and julia pray for you, justin, and sweet ava daily before we start our run. only one more!!
the encouragement has been such a blessing and ive seen how much of a difference it makes to be able to have that. so thank you to those who have been that for me, it means a lot. however, i was convicted of something today during my quiet time. i have been reading life as a vapor by john piper (thanks to stace, another blogger, one that i actually know pretty well :) ) it is great so if you are looking for something new you should get it. anyway my conviction. like i said, the encouragement has been great but i think it is really easy for me to take that encouragement and let it stop with myself. when it shouldn't. that doesn't honor jesus in any way. "let the ones who boast, boast in the Lord." -2 corinthians 10:17 running is a big deal for me and even more so, running 13.1 miles is a big deal for me and oh what an accomplishment it will be. but i will not boast in hannah for running. i will boast in jesus. who gave me legs to run, breath to breathe, and friends and family to encourage me. boasting in jesus not only honors him but it is where i will find my pure joy because that is what i was made for, to boast in him and no one else.
so this is my prayer. for me and julia. that we will look away from ourselves and that we will not boast in accomplishing this goal. but that we will turn all the amazing encouragement and accomplishing into glorifying jesus and that continues to be our ultimate purpose.
-han
julia filled you in on hearing from libby. i cant even explain my excitement and the hypervenitlation that occured in my house so im not going to try. but thanks for the encouragement lib and i cannot wait to meet you in nashville. know that me and julia pray for you, justin, and sweet ava daily before we start our run. only one more!!
the encouragement has been such a blessing and ive seen how much of a difference it makes to be able to have that. so thank you to those who have been that for me, it means a lot. however, i was convicted of something today during my quiet time. i have been reading life as a vapor by john piper (thanks to stace, another blogger, one that i actually know pretty well :) ) it is great so if you are looking for something new you should get it. anyway my conviction. like i said, the encouragement has been great but i think it is really easy for me to take that encouragement and let it stop with myself. when it shouldn't. that doesn't honor jesus in any way. "let the ones who boast, boast in the Lord." -2 corinthians 10:17 running is a big deal for me and even more so, running 13.1 miles is a big deal for me and oh what an accomplishment it will be. but i will not boast in hannah for running. i will boast in jesus. who gave me legs to run, breath to breathe, and friends and family to encourage me. boasting in jesus not only honors him but it is where i will find my pure joy because that is what i was made for, to boast in him and no one else.
so this is my prayer. for me and julia. that we will look away from ourselves and that we will not boast in accomplishing this goal. but that we will turn all the amazing encouragement and accomplishing into glorifying jesus and that continues to be our ultimate purpose.
-han
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Isaiah 52.7
"How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to God's people, 'Your God reigns!'" Isaiah 52.7
this morning, at breugger's, God sent me an early valentine. isaiah 52.7 was for us today. as if the encouragement we have already received wasn't enough, God affirmed me today. and actually, without His affirmation, all the others wouldn't be enough. (no offense to all the encouragers) but really. today i know, and i mean truly know, that Jesus wants this for me and han. he wants us to do this. he has gone before us and he is coming with.
unlike yesterday, today i didn't want to run. my body hurt and it was freezing (nc weather has a personality disorder- thank you, social work classes) but today i knew that our feet were bringing the Good News. some how, some way, God will use it.
our sweet friend katie came with us today. katie, you were so great! we ran to the gym, did some weight stuff, and ran home. running to the gym was fabulous. it encouraged me that there will be hard days but the running will get easier (sometimes). han and i agreed that we felt like we could have run for so much longer. but after lifting weights? different story. not such a breeze. on the way home we hit a hill on campus. not a noticeably sucky hill. but OH did we notice it. as we approached this sucky hill, han's ipod died. note: if my ipod died i would probably cry (tears of sadness, this time). when we're running, my music keeps my feet moving. but hannah, hannah killed it. she ran up the hill and all the way home with no music. YGG.
after my shower, before team prayer, in the midst of rushing to get ready and brushing my teeth, hannah called me. all she said was, "julia kennedy". then i heard katie in the background say, "libby", and i knew. i hung up, rushed to get ready, and then ran into the living room to my computer and there it was. an email from libby. i called hannah and told her and she told me to look at the blog. not only did libby email us, but she commented on han's post. we're the first blog she's officially "followed". us. me and hannah. i was shocked, to say the least. i didn't have much time to cry or scream or anything cause i had to go to team prayer. but i still can't believe it. [libby, if you read this, we're nuts, i know. but it's huge to us]
speaking of my YL team- bless their hearts. i'm pretty sure (and it was lovingly pointed out to me) that my hormones might be going a little crazy. my body isn't used to running like we have been for the last couple of days. today we were on our way to dinner and exhaustion hit me like a ton of bricks. it all broke lose from there. my tiredness turned into bitterness which turned into laughing which turned into silence which turned into pissed-ness which...i could go on. (laney, you missed the show) bottom line: i'm thankful for my teammates. new (because y'all are new, but not inferior)- thanks for not holding my craziness against me. old- thanks for knowing me well enough to love me anyways even if i am mean, crazy, and hard to joke around with.
tomorrow is our day of rest. i think it will be good for me.
affirmed in the midst of crazy,
Julia
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
tears.
day two. i keep repeating this but, we're really doing this. we made our blog "live" tonight (after giving some people a sneak peek this afternoon). i'm excited. i want people to know our hearts. to know the story that God is writing. i want people to be inspired. by our struggle and by libby's story. i want people to have a passion for running after Jesus.
i was ready to run today. it was beautiful outside. sunny. light breeze. and after 5 mins, i was hurting. but then this song came on:
"lord i have a heavy burden of all i've seen and know
it's more than i can handle
but your word is burning like a fire shut up in my bones
and i can’t let it go
but your word is burning like a fire shut up in my bones
and i can’t let it go
and when i'm weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought
with so many battles left unfought
i think of paul and silas in the prison yard
i hear their song of freedom rising to the stars
i hear their song of freedom rising to the stars
and when the Saints go marching in
i want to be one of them
i want to be one of them
lord it's all that i can't carry and cannot leave behind
it all can overwhelm me
but when i think of all who've gone before and lived a faithful life
their courage compels me"
-When the Saints, by Sara Groves (click to listen)
and then the tears came. eyes welling up with tears i realized: the Holy Spirit is here. this is worship. through this running we are giving thanks. literally offering our bodies as living sacrifices. "burning like a fire shut up in my bones" i definitely felt. but, it was beautiful.
the tears quickly subsided. but the goosebumps stayed for the rest of the run. my body was aching but my soul was f r e e. (hence the fistpumps han talked about) then we came to the hill right before my house. the hill that sucked yesterday. and today i looked at hannah and said, "for freedom"
...and we sprinted.
compelled by the courage of those who have gone before us,
Julia
it all can overwhelm me
but when i think of all who've gone before and lived a faithful life
their courage compels me"
-When the Saints, by Sara Groves (click to listen)
and then the tears came. eyes welling up with tears i realized: the Holy Spirit is here. this is worship. through this running we are giving thanks. literally offering our bodies as living sacrifices. "burning like a fire shut up in my bones" i definitely felt. but, it was beautiful.
the tears quickly subsided. but the goosebumps stayed for the rest of the run. my body was aching but my soul was f r e e. (hence the fistpumps han talked about) then we came to the hill right before my house. the hill that sucked yesterday. and today i looked at hannah and said, "for freedom"
...and we sprinted.
compelled by the courage of those who have gone before us,
Julia
day two down.
well it is day two. the fourth mile has been ran. my body feels like a train ran over me last night while i was sleeping. but it's okay. it's kind of like a good sore. but there is definitely pain.
i was worried about today. yesterday was our first day and we were pumped to get started. today my body was sore and i had another two miles ahead of me. we ran a little bit of a different route today and it was much better. not to mention that the weather was absolutely beautiful and perfect running weather. (not that i know the definition of that at all) but we ran and it was hard. harder than yesterday but we finished and didn't stop. i listened to different music today. yesterday i listened to some not-so-encouraging rap music so julia encouraged me to listen to something different today. i listened needtobreathe (quite a coincidence) and some passion2010 music and it was much better. soon i will post some favs off my playlist :)
it is really great to have someone to train with because i probably wouldn't have enough motivation to do it by myself. every once in a while julia will look back (i am usually behind her a few steps) and smile. and that encourages me. she also does this little fist pump dance every 5 minutes or so and that helps a lot also. the last three hundred feet or so today she looked at me and said "the rest for freedom, let's go." and we sprinted. fast. oh it hurt but it felt so good when we reached her driveway. i am so thankful for her doing this with me.
tomorrow we will run about two miles and then strength train at the gym. i have a feeling i am going to like the strength training days a little more than just the running days.
so here's to day 3 and freedom.
-han
"we run, with passion for your name, we run. freedom, you've broken every chain, we run." -chris tomlin
i was worried about today. yesterday was our first day and we were pumped to get started. today my body was sore and i had another two miles ahead of me. we ran a little bit of a different route today and it was much better. not to mention that the weather was absolutely beautiful and perfect running weather. (not that i know the definition of that at all) but we ran and it was hard. harder than yesterday but we finished and didn't stop. i listened to different music today. yesterday i listened to some not-so-encouraging rap music so julia encouraged me to listen to something different today. i listened needtobreathe (quite a coincidence) and some passion2010 music and it was much better. soon i will post some favs off my playlist :)
it is really great to have someone to train with because i probably wouldn't have enough motivation to do it by myself. every once in a while julia will look back (i am usually behind her a few steps) and smile. and that encourages me. she also does this little fist pump dance every 5 minutes or so and that helps a lot also. the last three hundred feet or so today she looked at me and said "the rest for freedom, let's go." and we sprinted. fast. oh it hurt but it felt so good when we reached her driveway. i am so thankful for her doing this with me.
tomorrow we will run about two miles and then strength train at the gym. i have a feeling i am going to like the strength training days a little more than just the running days.
so here's to day 3 and freedom.
-han
"we run, with passion for your name, we run. freedom, you've broken every chain, we run." -chris tomlin
we are really doing this.
the first thing that shocked me about libby was her ability to pour her heart out onto her blog with a rare and raw honesty that brought me to tears. she didn't hide her pain. she didn't always turn her anger, fear, or frustration into something that sparkled. because of this, i have learned to be honest with Jesus. to cry out for him to meet me in my pain, my depths, and bring healing and restoration. libby is a beautiful portrait of a woman who's heart belongs to Jesus.
hannah and i met last year but our friendship blossomed this past fall. the Lord has blessed me not only with a partner in prayer and ministry, but a best friend who i, too, can pour my heart out to, ugly and raw, and she will listen. she's not scared of pain because she's been there. she's not scared to cry or feel or be silent. (han, i admire that about you).
hannah and i share the fact that we have never really had a huge goal and achieved it. i think that's why i am fearful. because it's a huge undertaking. i will experience physical pain. i am going to want to be lazy. i am going to want to make excuses. but i will look to the cross. we will remember, together, why we are doing this.
today we ran 2 miles. in the grand scheme of things two miles isn't that crazy. for us, it was a big deal. and tomorrow, after babysitting and homework and all the to-dos, we will run again. to freedom.
post run, thanks katie :)
i still can't believe were doing this. but i love it.
Julia
hannah and i met last year but our friendship blossomed this past fall. the Lord has blessed me not only with a partner in prayer and ministry, but a best friend who i, too, can pour my heart out to, ugly and raw, and she will listen. she's not scared of pain because she's been there. she's not scared to cry or feel or be silent. (han, i admire that about you).
"When my hear was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73.21-26hannah introduced me to libby's blog in anthropology class and after class i went home and read all the way from the beginning. at times there were tears. at times i was praying that i have a husband as fabulous as her's one day. and most of the time i was smiling because i knew that the Lord was moving. since then, libby has become a friend. (note: hannah and i have not met libby before. however, we do sport the ever-so-sassy green "team libby" bracelets). there are others, too. a bunch of us girls read libby here in Raleigh. there may be others that run with us in nashville. or just train with us. or just laugh at us and take pictures. the body of Christ is moving and growing because of libby's blog.
hannah and i share the fact that we have never really had a huge goal and achieved it. i think that's why i am fearful. because it's a huge undertaking. i will experience physical pain. i am going to want to be lazy. i am going to want to make excuses. but i will look to the cross. we will remember, together, why we are doing this.
today we ran 2 miles. in the grand scheme of things two miles isn't that crazy. for us, it was a big deal. and tomorrow, after babysitting and homework and all the to-dos, we will run again. to freedom.
post run, thanks katie :)
i still can't believe were doing this. but i love it.
Julia
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