"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12.1-3

in the fall, we were two miserable students sitting in anthropology class attempting to occupy the lecture time with anything but what the professor wanted to say so, we began reading a blog. it's the story of libby ryder and her battle against cancer. since september, God has used libby's story to awaken in us a realization of the story he has written for our own lives. libby has shown us what it means to set our eyes on Jesus and run, with reckless abandonment, into the arms of the Father. libby's friend angie has decided to run a half marathon in celebration of the end of libby's chemo and, lord willing, her cancer. following libby's example, we are joining in the celebration. we. are. not. runners. we are scared. we are full of doubts. but, we are inspired. the past year has been full of triumphs and tribulations for us, too. this is a physical representation of us throwing off everything that has hindered and entangled- pain, heartache, doubt, shame- and running to Jesus and basking in his grace. this run is for libby. this run if for freedom. our only hope is that He will be glorified.

"Let us hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have broken rejoice!" Psalm 51.8

Friday, March 25, 2011

finally time.

well i started this two days ago and then i got frustrated and went to bed. so now i will try to finish. 


life hasn't really calmed down until today. some friends have asked me if we gave up since we hadn't posted in a while but we haven't. i thought about it last week when we were running 3 (which should be easy by now) as tears were slowly hitting my cheeks because i really didn't think it was physically possible for my body to finish. but i think thats what a week of no running and haitian bacteria stomach issues will do to you.  much better now and no we are not and will not quit. 

i have been putting posting off because of haiti. because i dont know how to put any of it into words but i am forced to on here so i will try.  "how was haiti?" has been the question of the past week. and i have been trying to figure out and still am trying to figure it all out. i will never forget it. never forget what i saw, those kids asking for everything on your body, the beauty of the country, the poverty and hunger, but most importantly their smile and joy like i have never seen before, pure joy.  in the kids that we hung out with, in the adults that we passed on the road that never didn't smile, and in the young life leaders there who are daily risking their life for kids to know jesus. i want to love jesus like they do, i want my kids that i have one day to love jesus like they do, i want other people to see how they love jesus, and i want them to want that. i can say confidently that they have more joy than 99.9% of the people i know.  and that's because they are forced to put everything in jesus because they have next to nothing. their resources for necessities for survival may be lacking, but still they are joyful. i don't ever want to forget their pure and raw love for jesus that is so rare here in america, it was beautiful.


i think about all the dumb things that put me in bad moods, all the conveniences that we have that are really just distractions, the privileges that i had growing up and continue to have as a college student in america, the fact that my parents never couldn't afford to put a meal in front of me or put shoes on my feet and how i am so incredibly thankful but frustrated at the same time. why me and why not them?


i am still trying to process everything and am praying that the lord will continue to reveal these things to me.  but i am still kind of numb. numb because i dont really know where to go from here. part of me wants to pack up and go. i dont know where but somewhere. somewhere without distractions where my love for jesus will be pure. because i dont feel like it is. but then i have to be rational and realize that the lord has put me here in raleigh as a student and a young life leader for at least the next two years and i can't lose sight of that [even though there seems to be next to no motivation for school currently] who knows where the lord will take me in two years but for now i am here in raleigh. and striving to have a pure heart only for jesus. [it will probably take me a while to figure that out]   


i am forever changed by the haitians and i dont think that i really expected that. i think i expected to bring joy to these devastated and poverty-stricken people. to go, to help and bring smiles to their faces, and then return home. but quite the opposite happened. in the midst of their poverty, the smiles on their faces and the joy was already there and i realized it was missing in me. 


please continue to pray for haiti and if you ever have the chance to go, you should. then you will most likely understand why it is too hard to put into words.


-han
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